"I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now." John 16:12
We all have those moments where we wish God would just change us already (for crying out loud). For me it's usually after a time where I've really thought myself to be obedient in all things: rising early and praying, reading the Word, serving, etc. Then I find myself in a situation I just can't overcome and lose my temper or fail in some other way, and then the inevitable angry outburst at God follows.
It usually goes something like this: "What the %&*, God?! Are you going to help me out, or what? I'm doing all you ask, what the %&* do you want from me?"
It may surprise you to hear that I occasionally use such language toward God, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't. It's not something I'm proud of or recommend, and as I've gotten to know God better these type of outbursts have become much less frequent. But I believe that willingness to pour ourselves out emotionally to God - no matter what it looks like - is a key ingredient of having a close relationship with Him (cf. Psalm 62:8). We are in a relationship, for better or for worse. We wrestle until we are changed (Genesis 32:24-28).
Another thing I've learned is that it's always our fault that we are not changed, not God's (imagine that!). When we are on our "best behavior" it is still to some degree in our own strength and willpower, and we are setting ourselves up for failure. God patiently watches it all happen, knowing it is for our best when we fail and the hard lessons we will (hopefully) learn.
As a father of two young boys it brings tears to my eyes to think of this from God's perspective. To have to let your children go through misery, not able to speak to them because you know what is best for them and that they are not yet in a position to receive it. They then curse you to your face and you patiently and lovingly bear it. It is only after we have exhausted ourselves as children in our tantrum that we are suddenly able to see clearly that we were in the wrong, and how patient God has been with us all along. This is called contrition (cf. Psalm 51:17).
The words Jesus spoke to the disciples at the top of this devotion were before he had died and risen, and before the Holy Spirit had been given to men. Without the indwelling Holy Spirit the disciples were short-sighted and railed against Jesus' will when they couldn't understand it (cf. Matthew 16:21-22). So it is with us when we so easily slip into the natural while trying to do God's will, rather than fully rely on His Spirit to accomplish everything in us. As Jesus very clearly put it, "without (literally "apart from") me you can do nothing." (John 15:5: the Greek word for "nothing" is very interesting: it means "nothing"!)
Full reliance on God (FROG) is a lifelong lesson, and even in the midst of our confusion and suffering, we should rejoice in the fact that the God of the Universe has deigned to teach it to us, so that one day we can be one with Him.
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